I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
