I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
