I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
