awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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