I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
