This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
