Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize