And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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