Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
