wakey wakey hands off snakey
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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