I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
