I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
