You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
