We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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