just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
