i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize