epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
