you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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