My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
