So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
