You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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