The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
