ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
