when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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