she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
