Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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