I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
