look no pants
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i've created a new STD.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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