Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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