Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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