Little spoons don't ask big questions
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
