Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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