This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
