Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
