so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
