ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
