so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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