He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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