Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
