Please, let me fuck your mom
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
