Someone shit on the floor
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize