I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
