Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
