...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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