its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
