hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
