Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize