She's JV to your varsity
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
