is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
