Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
