he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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