Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
