ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize