My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
