Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
