Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
