I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
