I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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