I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
