How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
