walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
