I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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