How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
