I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize