A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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