He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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