Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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