Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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