My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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