umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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