Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize