Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
