Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
