It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
