Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
