Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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