i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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