So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
