well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize