Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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