OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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