Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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