i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
