I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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