The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
