i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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