some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
