so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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