girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
