The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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