I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
