i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
