you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
