remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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