Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
