Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
